T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
