Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize