Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
