Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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