how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
