I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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