Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
