make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want to make out with him forever
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
