Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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