saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize