I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
