It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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