Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize