please come you make the beer taste better
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
