I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
organizing the empties. That sober.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
