Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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