Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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