By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
