I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
