I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
