Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
