I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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