I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
40s are totally the cure
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
