in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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