Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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