I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
