Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
