Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
