Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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