69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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