If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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