return my video game
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
