This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
