So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
