mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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