Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
