a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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