I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
