My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
