I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
