I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
