Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
