Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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