Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
