I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
