You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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