but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So vagazzling was a success
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
