apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
