Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
