we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
