Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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