Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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