I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
