Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize