I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
