Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
