You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
