Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize